I Don’t Want To Smell Like My Old Man, Man.

First thing’s first.

Can I just say that I love the Old Spice campaign; I mean really love it. The script is fantastic. The various ads (from Isaiah Mustafa’s smoothness to the Terry Crews insanity) are executed with a level of detail that shames most agencies. And the latest viral videos from Mr. Old Spice himself, plus the dozens of copycats ads being posted on youtube and blogs everywhere, are testimony to just how much they have captured the imagination of pop culture.

Indeed, the fact that I am even writing about this goes to show how powerful the ad campaign actually is. And one look at a site like reddit.com or digg.com shows you just how much the idea has penetrated into our collective consciousness.

But here’s one inescapable fact that no amount of stellar advertising will change:

Old Spice smells like Old Spice.

Which means it smells like my dad. And possibly your dad. Or your uncle. Or any other number of old guys out there. And who wants to smell like an old man?

Old Spice is a star of the seventies, when fragrances like Brut, Denim and Blue Stratos were all the rage. The funny little bottle the aftershave comes in, with that weird golf-tee top, it’s never really changed. Maybe the people at Proctor & Gamble think it’s as iconic as the Coke bottle, but to me it just says “old fashioned and cheap.”

And the scent, well, it takes me back in all the wrong ways. It reminds me of bad hairstyles, brown flock wallpaper, disco and platform shoes. As a Brit, the smell reminds me of that guy on the surfboard with that Omen-style music behind it.

In short, not something I want to be associated with.

The new ads are funny. They’re hysterical in places. But you can’t wear funny. When someone smells Old Spice on you they don’t say “hey, I love those ads, you’re cool.” They smell cheap, dated cologne and body wash.

Now you could say the same about Axe (aka Lynx) and it’s true – it is cheap. But that brand has never been a scent associated with old dudes. It has always been a young guy’s product, and I have no issue being seen as a young guy. In fact, the balder I get, the more that’s true.

Old Spice calls their old smell “Classic Scent.” They even point it out on the packaging – “The original. If your grandfather hadn’t worn it, you wouldn’t exist.” Funny. But I don’t want to see the word grandfather anywhere near something like aftershave or shower gel. Gold stocks, yes. Classic cars, sure. But personal hygiene, no thanks.

So, as much as I genuinely love the Old Spice commercials (which will win awards by the bagful) I have to wonder if they are facing an uphill battle here. Or, perhaps the target audience is so much younger than me that they don’t have those bad memories.

Maybe what we need is for Proctor & Gamble to first come out and eradicate every hint of the old Old Spice from the shelves. Kill the old bottle. Have a huge public bonfire. And use the new scent they came up with as their ONLY scent.

Times have changed. The ads have changed. Old Spice still smells like Old Spice though. And I don’t want to smell like my old man, man.

Paul Suggett is the Creative Director of Amélie Company.
He has not worn Old Spice since he was 11. It was a gift. Soap On A Rope actually.